Divorce agreement:
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way. Here is a model separation agreement: Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy!
Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them). We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood. You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide security. We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U. N. but we will no longer be paying the bill. We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and over-sized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find. You can give everyone health care if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe health care is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kumbaya or We Are the World. We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.
Sincerely,
John J. Wall Law Student and an American
P. S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you.
Honestly? Health care a luxury for the rich? Something that we shouldn't assume we have a right to? So if someone is sick, has a chronic problem, can't get insurance, the health care system should just say too bad? If a baby is born with complications but their parents don't have insurance, we should just let the baby die?
How in the world does a philosophy that encourages a "culture of life" not want to improve the health care system and make it available to everyone who needs it? People on the right stand up quite strongly for the rights of unborn babies but once they're born, making sure they're taken care of is a luxury that they don't necessarily deserve? This is crazy talk. And yet it is very much where some are coming from.
It's funny that someone sent this to me. It wasn't someone in my church, but rather someone from another church in our area who I know. I'm sure they just found it funny, with all the stereotypes about liberals and conservatives. But the sad thing is that these beliefs are so strong in so many and this letter actually shows the regard that those on the right have for people who disagree with them. What was even more sad was that I then received two "responses" to this email where people responded to all saying something along the lines of "wouldn't it be nice" or "I only wish".
I only wish we could find ways to talk with each other about disagreements. Wouldn't it be nice if we listened to each other instead of putting words in each other's mouths? Mostly, what I really wish is that people didn't attack unknown motives of those around them, but instead tried to work together with those they disagreed with for compromise.
5 comments:
It really feels like the theme of that chain letter is utter hypocrisy. Like you pointed out, people who are so intent on protecting the life of an unborn child don't really seem to care about that child once it's born. Likewise, people who are opposed to divorce would draft something like this and really mean it?
I'm also curious about the responses you saw of people who said "if only" and "I wish..." Really? They'd like to see a split in this country based on difference of opinion? Oh, wait...sorry..."irreconcilable differences"?
I don't know how seriously your friend was taking this when he sent it to you...I'd like to think he saw it for what it was and was just passing it on to make you think. I guess I hope that's the case.
It's a pretty sadly written letter, no matter how you look at it.
Well, I've never received any chain mail from this guy before. Actually, the only times we've communicated by email is to figure out details about a denominational committee that we're both a part of. That's what struck me odd about it... it was someone who usually doesn't send me these kind of things... I guess that's why I actually opened it and read it.
Also, why do people, when responding to emails "respond to all" it just doesn't make sense at all, but it happens again and again.
I too was down right astounded to see health care labled as a luxury even if partially in jest. I could kind of see this as some very harsh irony.
I haven't heard anyone claim that Health care is a luxury, though it is how our current systme largely acts.
If it was seriously said that health care is a luxury, one completely forgets that much of what we take for granted was first created by Christians, priests, nuns monks and other lay Christians as charitable work because Christ came to heal all our infirmities and hospitals and health care was one way to share in the ministry and sacrifice of Christ.
So I guess we can keep the hospitals and they can have the doctors that care more for their wealth than caring for the sick! Note tongue planted firmly in cheek!
I reread my comment and I think I meant to say that the e-mail may be some harsh satire, not irony. Those are sometimes surprisingly difficult for me to keep distinct in my mind especially when quickly typing a comment.
I have a Subaru station wagon.
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